Today I rediscovered this blog. I just read the last post and have no recollection of ever posting it or of the context of which it speaks. This should slightly concern me, but it’s not the first time this has happened.
Plus side: Even if I die alone, my Alzheimer’s will make me forget about it.
Today I woke up at 12:30 PM (I’m getting better) from a dream where I broke up with some guy because he couldn’t make up a name for a combination of the colors purple, red, and orange. I was really mad at him.
Sadly enough this is proof that even in my dreams, I will die alone and extremely picky.
Today I woke up at the tender hour of 4 PM to the startling realization that I couldn’t move. For some reason Cole and Ariel had both left and closed both doors to my bedroom, which has no windows, effectively shutting out any chance of the air conditioning or light reaching my delicate slumber. So leaving the stuffy as hell bedroom I wandered out into the world of the living room and realized, “HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT’S 102 DEGREES OUTSIDE!” Thank god for air conditioners and their supersonic cooling abilities. Now it’s a good hour or so after I’ve woken up and I’m laying on the couch in shock of how high our electric bill will be.
I will die alone, poor, and chilled.
Today I woke up at 4pm. I was planning on doing laundry today but my plans were foiled by heat, my attention span, and my stomach. So instead of washing my heavily soiled wardrobe, I sat on the couch for an hour and a half and watched a Korean drama and then went to the grocery store and bought wrap fixings. Granted, I also probably needed to buy groceries, but laundry was somewhat more detrimental. After unloading my food supply into the refrigerator and pantry, I decided to dye my hair for no reason. I could have been doing laundry or dishes, but no, I found my hair of more importance and intrigue at the time. My day has now ended with a final decision on the font of my next tattoo and I still have dirty clothes.
I will die alone with awesome hair and tattoos while wearing very soiled garments.
Nicholas Cage is a Three Musketeers Bar. Few people are more familiar than Nicholas Cage. Trustworthy, reliable. A sturdy shell encasing a soft and comforting mousse inside. It captured our hearts with Leaving Las Vegas, and ever since then, we were hooked on it’s undeniable natural talent. It was…
I promised that I would Tumblr when I was extremely drunk. Extremely is an understatement. Or maybe, it’s an overstatement. The point it, two vastly disproportionate Vodka Cranberries later we are screaming Under Pressure and I am getting sexual advice from my very close friend via Gmail chat…
I am drunk. Today I woke up at 2 pm and wandered the East Village with Alex. We had pinkberry and bought japanese food…It was delicious. When we were heading home we bought some Absolut vodka and cranberry juice for an amazing night of debauchery. Now after a marathon of The Beatles, Queen, and Madonna, we have settled into our drunken stupors.
I am forever dying alone because I cannot stay sober long enough to find a real relationship.
Today I wandered through the Upper East Side and then down to the East Village to go shopping by myself. I went to Strand and Patricia Field and bought 2 books a belt and 2 necklaces. Finally after going to the movies with Ariel I came home only to go out again at 1 AM to buy mac and cheese, chips, and nacho cheese at CVS with Alex. Now I am eating nachos and watching King of the Crown on netflix.
I will die alone in a pile of food while watching skinny bitches parade around in pageant wear competing to be the prettiest.
Today it has been beautiful outside. After weeks of ridiculously sweltering heat followed by several days of chilling cold, we finally have a moderate and pleasing day. What do I decide to do on this day of beauty? Why of course I sleep until 2:30 pm to wake up and watch a couple episodes of Ru Paul’s Drag Race followed by The Princess and the Frog. These are my days of leisure and rest.
Today I have proven that I am dying alone in a heap of bad television and movies probably of overeating or just overexposure to body odor.
I got up at the crack of dawn (9am) to spend three hours yell-singing and flailing around to new wave pop music in my kitchen before heading downtown to be funny in front of strangers. The improv show was a success, and after butt-fucking a handful of live-comedy groupies a few fellow funny people…
LOL.
Rugrats:
Telling homophobes to fuck off since the age of 1.
...
If you didn’t just read that in Bill Nye’s voice, I’m disowning you.
